everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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