This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
