All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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