so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
