Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
