She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
