this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love accidental penises.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
