This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
