I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
