i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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