yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
