you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
