hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
