she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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