Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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