Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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