It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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