i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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