My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
