Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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