So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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