Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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