I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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