Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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