my being single is dangerous.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
