Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
