PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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