Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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