Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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