So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
