Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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