i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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