Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
