I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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