How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
