did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
