ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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