and you said cock pushups were impossible
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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