lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
