That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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