If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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