Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
