I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
