If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
