Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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