I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
