So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
