No stitches, just platelets and will power
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
