He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
