Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
