remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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