apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
