No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
