my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
