Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
