I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
