i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
