Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
