Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
