doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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