DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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