Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's JV to your varsity
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
